HELLO! I’m Matt Lees. I’ve just irrevocably damaged my relationship with a beautiful woman and eaten THIS sandwich.

On our way to play Resi. our car broke down in the middle of nowhere. We weren’t that worried about the fact it was getting dark, though - in the distance through the woods we could just about spot a massive house of some kind, which would surely have a phone or something.

Excellent foyer.

We eventually made our way through to the main entrance of the house – unfortunately, we'd forgotten to bring our shotguns and knives, and decided to give it a miss. We're not fucking stupid, man.

Moving onward, we found the woodcutter's lodge nearby. He appears to have electricity and a Renault Megane Scenic.

The woodcutter is evidently a man of taste – searching through the house revealed a love of technology and fine foods.

Also, he seems to own Sean’s telly, which takes about ten minutes of mashing TV AV TV AV TV AV TV AV to switch the bastard on. We were having lots of fun.

Proof that we're playing Resi Evil on an actual Playstation and that. Also pictured is the woodcutter's mental dog.

The adventurers take time out to marvel at Sean’s excellent legs.

I kept dying in this room. I should probably be ashamed of this.

Being unable to deal with the mindfuck of PS1 pads not having analogue sticks, I once again died, for the third time, so I passed it over to someone more capable after the realisation that we’d probably be here all night with my spackhands smothering the clunky grey pad.

After the painful realisation that Resident Evil is actually quite rubbish we quickly moved on to some impromptu Resi 4 Cosplay.

Left to Right:
Matt as villager, Chris as villager with hat.

Sean got to the next typewriter within a timescale that clearly highlighted how inexcusably bad I can be at games, leaving only the task of signing the back of the manual and whacking everything back into a jiffy bag for the next leg of the epic journey. I’ve chosen to go for a ‘signing a big cardboard cheque for charity’ pose here to take the focus away from my ominous shadow.

BONUS BEHIND THE SCENES SPECIAL FEATURE!

Our photographer Mr. Eves receives his payment in sandwich.

Then realising that the filling consisted of CHESHIRE and CARROT.

Lesson of the week?

Don’t fob off irritable dogs with clearly substandard sandwiches.

Lots of love from Terrormission.com and friends. xx