Mette returns home after an exhaustive evening of thinking about shoes, being Danish and giving it attitude. As she puts her key in the door she hears a scream. A loud, slightly gay scream. One you would be embarrassed to do yourself...

She watches something like Hollyoaks, or Big Brother, probably. Or Ugly Betty. Probably Ugly Betty. Yeah.

She's about to settle down to some reading about shoes and periods when Matt comes in all manly and covered in blood.

Mette: Shit, what happened?
Matt: They, they bit me.
Mette: Who?
Matt: Them. Zombies. Zombies bit me. The fucks.
Soon I will be just like them. I won't be me any more Mette, and when that happens, you need to know what to do.

We break open our "Fuck Me It's The Fucking Zombies" survival guide and Mette opts for a copy of Danger 50,000 Zombies. Nick Frost will know what to do. He always knows what to do.

Mette takes notes in furious short hand, probably, because she's probably a receptionist, or something. I don't know. We haven't really defined her character. She's Danish anyway, let's just say she's writing in Danish. Something like "Urfjh, der zombargun uer flararhennnen garrlo". I don't know what that means. I don't speak Danish.

She can hear Matt's words ringing in her ears. "I'm going to change...

...I'm going to charngje.. urr gaaahhhnnn chhhhjjjjjj..."

That's not Danish! It's fucking Zombie!

Raaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

It's too late. She's a zombie now too. And she doesn't look best impressed either. But as with all zombies, their natural instincts remain in tact. And they decide to play a copy of Resident Evil.

Having no hand over notes and having not played it for about forever, Zombie Matt can't cope with the game and instead opts to run around randomly slashing at zombies and getting stuck in locked rooms and panicking.

What a cunt!

-

Who can say where the Jill Sandwich will end up next, and what's the betting there isn't enough ammo left to finish the game unless you are some sort of legendary player.

Until next time...