You Missed Out On: Culdcept Revolt (3DS)

You Missed Out On: Culdcept Revolt (3DS)

Rab here, and it makes me really sad that you missed out on Culdcept Revolt on Nintendo 3DS, because it really is one of the best games on that system. It’s a belter.

If you were ever to see me in the wild and try to kill me, by sticking a knife into my right hip pocket area, then it’s likely that my life would be saved by my Nintendo 3DS. And the main reason why it’s in my pocket blocking the knife you killed your family with? Culdcept Revolt.

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New Game With Wee Lassies In It Out On Switch Today

For fans of games featuring wee lassies cutting about fighting and that and making wee lassie noises while wearing clothes that wee lassies wear, there is a new wee lassie game out on Switch today.

It’s called Croixleur Sigma, and here’s a brand new screenshot of a wee lassie wearing glasses and rabbit ears like a wee rabbit, fuck knows.

Haud oan. “Gentleman’s Hair”? Might need to try this one out actually.

Haud oan. “Gentleman’s Hair”? Might need to try this one out actually.

It’s too easy to make a snap judgement on these wee lassie games, so maybe we should actually review them before we say anything. That would be the proper journalistic thing to do. The games might not actually be as dodgy as they look. I mean, it’s only 13 quid, and it features “hack and slash action”, and we all love a bit of that.

So let’s not be too judgey, and we’ll just—

Screenshots4.jpg

Aw here noo.

Come on tae fuck, man.

Resonate Tickets On Sale Tomorrow!

Eckies at the ready!

Eckies at the ready!

Resonate, Glasgow’s biggest dance rave festival, has-

WAIT A MINUTE! It’s a games hing? Oh, it’s a games hing. Put the drugs away.

The press release says it all:

“Tickets go on sale tomorrow (Friday 29 March) for Resonate, Scotland’s ultimate gaming experience, which is returning to the SEC, Glasgow from 20-21 July 2019.
 With a star-studded line-up of talent already confirmed, some of the biggest global names in the worlds of gaming and YouTube will be heading to the city.
 Reaction and commentary YouTuber, 
WillNE, who is one of the most popular creators on the platform currently, is amongst those signed up for the game-filled event.”

I’m glad to hear that WillNE will be there. I would have been disappointed to hear that he WillNE be there.

Get tickets from: http://www.resonatetotalgaming.com/

FIRST LOOK: Gems Of War - Nintendo Switch

FIRST LOOK: Gems Of War - Nintendo Switch

When you’re playing Gems of War on your wee Nintendo Switch, there’s a thought that hangs in your head - a thought you can’t easily ignore. That thought is: “I’m playing absolute garbage.”

But is it garbage? Is it really? Or have we just been programmed to instantly assume that any kind of easy-to-play, real money-sapping free-to-play game is automatically a bad thing built on weak foundations? What is our response when we enjoy every second of that ever-satisfying match-three gameplay loop? What do we do then? Where is your god now?

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Streets Of Rage 4: First Gameplay Trailer

The first gameplay trailer for Streets of Rage 4 has landed, and it looks like some terrible mobile game or something. Look, that’s just what it looks like to me (Rab) so shut up. No, but seriously, it looks too clean or something.

Streets of Rage?

Streets of Outrage more like. As in - outrageous.

Maybe. It might turn out to be brilliant. The press release says: “Streets of Rage 4 is the first installment to the mainline series in more than two decades and will revitalize the iconic baddie-bashing gameplay with modern touches, fresh pulsing jams, and more surprises to be revealed. “

I’m really looking forward to those fresh pulsing jams. Hoping for a blackberry jam myself.

Google, What Are You Uptae?

Rab here. Today’s the day we find out what Google are up to (apart from trying to take over the world and solidify its role within a corporation-ruled dystopian hell-future). Will it be a new console? Will it just be some kind of streaming carry-on that is no use to me with my terrible internet connection in Helensburgh.

We’ll know soon, and report it on these pages!

UPDATE: Ah, never mind, it was a lot of shite.